The Day I Chose Myself (and What It Taught Me About Self-Abandonment)

For years, I thought putting everyone else first was what “good” people did. I told myself it was kindness, generosity, being easy to get along with. In reality, it was self-abandonment, and it was quietly draining the life out of me.

I didn’t even realize I was doing it.

Over the past few years, I’ve had major breakthroughs in recognizing my self-abandoning behavior. Once I realized I had a choice to choose myself, my peace, and my well-being instead of defaulting to people-pleasing, everything began to shift.

Recently, I faced another big decision: abandon myself again or choose myself fully.

This summer, my husband and I planned a pet sitting trip to Boise, we were looking to explore a new area and see if it might be a place we’d want to live. We’d spent months researching, looking at apartments online, and imagining life there.

The morning of our flight, I woke up with tension, anxiety, and nausea. I told myself it was “just travel nerves” and kept pushing forward, ignoring the messages my body and intuition were sending.

By the time we landed, I had been clearing energy all day, made an SOS call to my friend and still felt unsettled. My body was speaking louder than my mind wanted to listen.

From the moment we met our host for a long pet-sit, I felt even more tension. Small things stood out: clipped tones, unexpected changes in plans, and a space that felt energetically heavy.

As an empath, I’ve learned to pay attention to these signals. My body was screaming, nausea, anxiety, and that gut-level knowing that something wasn’t right.

But my mind still whispered the old script:
"You committed. Just make it work. Don’t disappoint anyone."

We had arrived a few days before our hosts were to leave on their trip and were staying in a guest suite in the condo complex until they left.

A terrible night's rest, continuous anxiety and nausea.  The next morning, I couldn’t ignore it anymore.  It wasn't going away, it wasn't subsiding, it was steady and I thought how am I going to spend 17 days in an environment that was making me physically ill.  I was confused and worried, I was doubting my intuition and looking to someone else to "make the decision" for me. 

And here’s the truth: I was the only one who could make that decision. 

Choosing to leave meant we wasted all that time we spent researching the area, the conversations we had about possibly moving here were for nothing, losing money, rescheduling flights and cars, upsetting our host, and feeling like I’d “failed” to follow through. 

In that moment, I remembered something I had learned and re-learned over the past five years:

• My peace matters more than someone else’s approval. 

Read that again.....

• My peace matters more than someone else's approval. 

What did I do....I choose myself and I sent the message saying we couldn’t stay and instantly, my body exhaled.

This was the culmination of years of learning to stop abandoning myself. It was proof that I could trust my inner compass, even when it meant disappointing someone else.

Here’s what I want you to know:
✅ You can trust yourself to make the right decision.
✅ You do not need permission from anyone else to honor your needs.
✅ Self-love starts when you stop self-abandoning.

I had the inspiration to create this small group program from a conversation I had with a client/friend a few months ago. 

I didn't know at the time that this trip was going to be a HUGE lesson for me and further inspire me to create a small group program for people, like me,

• who have spent years saying yes when they meant no…

• ignoring the signals their bodies were giving them…

• putting everyone else first, even at their own expense...

• wondering if anyone was really hearing them...

Come Home to You is a first step back into self-love, a space to practice choosing yourself, releasing guilt, and building self-trust.

Because the truth is

• You can stop abandoning yourself.

• You can listen to your inner knowing.

• You can live from a place where your needs matter.

✨ If my story resonates with you, I invite you to email me (candice@indiglowsoul.com) "waitlist" to be the first to know the details of when Come Home to You will launch.

Together, we’ll explore the patterns that keep you from honoring yourself and begin the beautiful process of returning home to who you truly are.