Healing Your Attachment Style

Love, Healing, and Reality TV

Have you ever wondered why you show up the way you do in relationships? Why some people seem so secure while others struggle with closeness, trust, or independence?

Love Is Blind Season 8 gave us a rare moment of emotional depth when Alex asked Madison if she knew her attachment style. Their discussion highlighted something we don’t often see on reality TV, self-awareness in relationships.

But attachment styles go much deeper than just dating trends; they are rooted in childhood experiences and energy imbalances. The good news? They can be healed. Let’s dive into what attachment styles are, how they relate to chakras, and what you can do to cultivate healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Attachment theory was developed by psychologist John Bowlby and later expanded by Mary Ainsworth. Our early experiences with caregivers shape how we connect with others in adulthood, influencing our trust, emotional regulation, and communication styles.

Understanding your attachment style can help you create healthy relationships, heal emotional wounds, and build stronger connections. Whether you have a secure, anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment, self-awareness is the first step toward transformation.

1. Secure Attachment (The Relationship Gold Standard)

• Traits: Emotionally available, trusting, values closeness but also independence, communicates openly.
• How It Shows Up in Relationships: Feels comfortable with intimacy, handles conflict in a healthy way, supports their partner without losing themselves.
• Common Triggers: Doesn’t typically struggle with deep insecurity in relationships but may be challenged by partners with anxious or avoidant attachment.
• Chakra Connection: Heart Chakra – Open, balanced, and full of trust.
• Healing Tip: Heart-opening meditations, gratitude practices, and self-love rituals.

2. Anxious Attachment (The Clinger)

• Traits: Fear of abandonment, emotional highs and lows, craves reassurance, highly sensitive to partner’s moods.
• How It Shows Up in Relationships: May overanalyze partner’s words/actions, feel insecure if texts aren’t answered quickly, or struggle with self-worth.
• Common Triggers: Feeling ignored, emotional distance from a partner, inconsistent communication.
• Chakra Connection: Solar Plexus Chakra – Linked to self-worth, personal power, and emotional regulation.
• Healing Tip: Affirmations for self-worth, breathwork to regulate emotions, energy healing for confidence.

3. Avoidant Attachment (The Lone Wolf)

• Traits: Values independence over emotional closeness, struggles with vulnerability, prefers logic over emotions.
• How It Shows Up in Relationships: Keeps partners at a distance, avoids deep emotional conversations, may feel suffocated by too much intimacy.
• Common Triggers: Feeling pressured to open up, emotional demands from a partner, losing autonomy.
• Chakra Connection: Throat Chakra – Difficulty expressing emotions and needs.
• Healing Tip: Practicing authentic communication, breathwork for heart-throat alignment, shadow work.

4. Disorganized Attachment (The Push-Pull Dynamic)

• Traits: Fear of intimacy yet fear of abandonment, struggles with trust, often caused by past trauma.
• How It Shows Up in Relationships: Hot and cold behavior, craving closeness one moment, pushing a partner away the next.
• Common Triggers: Feeling out of control in a relationship, fear of being hurt, past wounds resurfacing in moments of vulnerability.
• Chakra Connection: Root & Sacral Chakras – Safety, security, and emotional stability.
• Healing Tip: Grounding exercises, trauma-informed therapy, somatic healing, root chakra work.

Love Is Blind Season 8 gave us an inside look at how attachment styles show up in modern dating. Alex and Madison’s conversation was important, people actually discussing their emotional patterns rather than just reacting. Even if they didn't work out in the end, the conversation created by them was valuable.

Throughout the season, we saw different attachment styles play out. Some contestants seemed secure, while others displayed avoidant or anxious behaviors. This mirrors real-life relationships, where our attachment wounds shape the way we connect, push away, or cling to others.

I can say with confidence that my attachment style is disorganized attachment. This definitely played out in the early years of my relationship with my husband, manifesting through control and hyper-independence.

Growing up, I didn’t have a lot of stability in my home environment. Because of that, anytime I had the opportunity to control something within my reach, I took it. Let’s face it, it wasn’t always pretty. But I’ve grown, and we are getting ready to celebrate 25 years of marriage and 30 years of being together.

Hyper-independence was another way my attachment style showed up. I thought that if I never needed help, then I wouldn’t be disappointed. Obviously, that’s not true. Over the years, I’ve learned to accept help and even ask for it once in a while.

The other major way this played out in my relationship was fear of abandonment. I would convince myself that I wasn’t good enough, fun enough, or just enough. But here’s the kicker: this was a “me” thing. Nothing my husband did ever made me feel this way, it was my own internal belief system, built from past wounds.

Through a tremendous amount of energy healing, shadow work, and inner child healing, I’ve been able to transform my attachment wounds. While the old patterns still creep in once in a while, I know the signs now and how to handle them. Healing is an ongoing journey, but I’m proud of how far I’ve come.

(If you recognize yourself in any of these patterns, know that healing is possible!)

Self-awareness is key. Notice your patterns, triggers, and emotional responses.

Inner child healing. Work on reparenting yourself with compassion.

Energy healing. Use chakra-balancing techniques to heal emotional wounds.

Secure relationships help. Surround yourself with emotionally available people.

Therapy, coaching, and self-work. Healing is an ongoing process, and support is essential.

Knowing your attachment style isn’t about labeling yourself, it’s about understanding and healing. The more we recognize our patterns, the more we can transform them into healthy, secure connections.

I’ve created a free guide called Unlocking Your Chakras: A Guide to Releasing Blocks & Embracing Courage to help you dive deeper into this process. This workbook includes journal prompts to help you recognize where your energy is blocked and how to start shifting it today. I also recorded a special chakra activation meditation to send you.

Are you ready to clear what's been holding you back?

Email Candice@indiglowsoul 'CHAKRA', and I’ll send you the free guide + chakra activation meditation to start your journey.