Understanding Co-Dependency on the Empath Journey

I'm getting real about something that might be playing out in your life more than you realize , codependency on the empath journey.

So, when I first heard about it, I shrugged it off, thinking, "Not me. I'm as independent as they come." But turns out, there was more to it. It's about getting too wrapped up in someone else's world, often at the expense of your own. Sound familiar?

Let me share some stories from my own journey, the messy parts, the wake-up calls. We'll explore signs, causes, and most importantly, how to release yourself from codependency.

Starting with a few definitions that I believe explain it pretty well.

According to Judith Orloff, "codependency is an unhealthy form of dependency. This occurs when you are more focused on another person’s life and problems than your own. You are reluctant to assert your needs or set clear boundaries for fear of the consequences." The Holistic Psychologist says “codependency is a learned pattern of chronic neglect of self in order to gain love, approval, or validation. We learn this pattern as children through our earliest attachments (relationships) with parents."

Now, let me throw in a personal story that hits close to home. A number of years ago my husband and I were navigating fertility issues, dealing with multiple miscarriages in a short timeframe. I remember talking with a family member about the difficulty of it all and how my hormones were all over the place. Their response? "Aren't you over that yet?" I was caught off guard but thought, "Well, I guess I am now". You need me to be okay, so I'll be okay, I stuffed it down and looking back, I see the co-dependent dance in that relationship, if I wasn't doing okay, they weren't either. It's a pattern that echoes in my family dynamics, shaping me in profound ways.

Let's shift gears and talk about codependency from an approval-seeking angle and how society nudges us along. Schools, workplaces, sports and social circles become arenas where approval defines our worth. We're taught from a young age that our sense of self comes from others – grades in school, performance in sports, workplace evaluations. If you've got those underlying codependent tendencies, society turns up the volume. At the core of codependency lies a deep fear of abandonment, entwined with emotional addictions and unresolved traumas.

Codependency often stems from past experiences and learned behaviors. Common causes include:

• Childhood Conditioning – Growing up in an environment where love was conditional or based on caretaking can create a pattern of prioritizing others over yourself.
• Unresolved Trauma – Past emotional wounds, such as neglect or abandonment, may lead to seeking external validation to feel worthy.
• Low Self-Worth – When self-esteem is fragile, empaths may feel the need to prove their value by constantly giving.
• Fear of Rejection or Conflict – People-pleasing can develop as a coping mechanism to avoid disapproval or abandonment.
• Lack of Emotional Boundaries – Without clear boundaries, it becomes easy to absorb others' emotions and take on their burdens.

In a dysfunctional family, there is an insecure environment, and your needs aren’t always able to be met. A few characteristics of a dysfunctional family environment are. Chaotic, unsupportive, scary, neglectful, manipulative, abusive, shaming, judgmental, denial. These relationship dynamics from our family carry on into our adulthood. Our parent child relationship can form our attachment style. This is probably the most impactful one for me, I had a very chaotic environment growing up and learned early on that it was easier for me to not ask for help or do it myself then to involve someone else. This is where my hyper independence was create.

It took me years to recognize this within myself. For me it presented as a deep need for approval, minimizing my personal needs, taking on too much (miss independent over here thought she wasn't co-dependent when actually I was and didn't realize that my family dysfunction created it by not being stable and I needed to do everything for myself and feeling bad if I needed help). For me, the awakening came when I realized my tendency to over give, driven by an insatiable need for approval.

• Feeling anxious or distressed when someone is upset with you
• Neglecting your own needs to focus on others
• Struggling to make decisions without seeking approval
• Feeling unworthy or unfulfilled unless you're helping someone
• Becoming overly invested in fixing or rescuing people
• Feeling drained or exhausted in relationships that feel one-sided

So now what, we know the causes and signs of co-dependency, now what do we do?

We heal from it, we heal the self-neglect, we learn to love ourselves, and we learn to set boundaries.

The key to overcoming codependency is recognizing your patterns and consciously shifting your behavior. Here’s how:

1. Set and Maintain Boundaries

Learn to say no without guilt. Boundaries protect your energy and allow you to support others without sacrificing yourself. Practice stating your needs clearly and standing by them.

2. Cultivate Self-Awareness

Pay attention to your emotions and triggers. Are you helping because you genuinely want to, or because you feel obligated? Awareness helps you make healthier choices.

3. Prioritize Self-Care

Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. Engage in activities that recharge your energy, whether it’s meditation, journaling, or spending time alone.

4. Develop Emotional Independence

Your happiness shouldn’t depend on how others feel. Build a strong relationship with yourself through self-love, affirmations, and personal growth.

5. Seek Support

Healing from codependency takes time. Therapy, energy healing, or working with a mentor can help you break old patterns and establish healthier dynamics.

In unraveling the layers of codependency, we embark on a journey of self-discovery, healing, and empowerment. Remember, there is strength in acknowledging where you are and courage in taking steps toward where you want to be.

The path to breaking free from codependency is uniquely yours, and each step you take is a triumph. Embrace the journey with compassion for yourself, for it is through self-love and understanding that profound transformations occur.

If this information has resonated with you, if you've recognized aspects of your journey in these words, I invite you to take the next step. It's time to invest in your well-being, to explore the depths of your authentic self.

Book a free discovery call here where we can talk about your unique experiences and discuss how my 12-session Empowered Empath Program can guide you towards lasting transformation. This program is designed not just to understand but to empower and equip you with the tools to embrace your true self and foster healthier connections.

Remember, your journey to empowerment begins with a single choice. I look forward to connecting with you and being a part of your transformative path.